random

How do you kill your time?

Like caramel juliet
in muscovado sugar
slowly but surely
one percent in a hundred

red little roses in white shirt
green linings in white shoes
green coffee in black round table
caffe latte tine?
behind my cup

fine salt and cheese
brick walls and black doors
busy papers in lazy hands
extension wires and plugs

random thoughts
i say sorry to november
i wasted you,
but it’s okay
says my december

still random thoughts
sugar free
i can’t get this
hundred fifty

how do you kill your time?

i dunno.
low fat
decaf
soya.haha

BambooEyeglasses

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simple relationships

I remember back in college when my Calculus professor told the class one evening about his favorite life lesson. He told the class that we will probably forget all the equations he teaches us but he wished we will not forget one beautiful lesson he learned in life and that is to “never underestimate the power of simple relationships”. I was a sophomore at that time,and I still recall that life lesson today in my early twenties.

One time I was having a conversation at lunch with my office mate who is way far older than me, and I told her that I find it so special to know her and the people who I know, and that they are just once strangers to me. I asked why in all people in this world, it is them who I know. She gave me a quick sharp look in my eyes, looked back to her food, and her pale small lips smiled. She told me “ya, I remember when I went to a foreign country to work, I met and knew my boss and his family who I shared good times with. And I remember how kind they were to accept me as I am”. She told me the little adventures and beautiful times that she had with them,and how happy she was to know them, to speak their names, to serve them meals, to walk with them and laugh with them. She missed them all the more when she goes back to her younger years.She told me that things just happened that way, that she met the family out of the choices she made in her life. Had she not made a choice to work overseas, she probably would not meet them.

I listened carefully, and felt a soft kind of joy. Like dandelions playing with the wind, the feeling was so light. I looked at her white and gray hair as she told me some old highlights of her life that sounded so new and fresh. The words that came out on her mouth are true adventures in the past.

As she told me her personal memories, I thought about the life lesson of my Calculus teacher,”to never underestimate the power of simple relationships”. Maybe it is true, when we look back and remember those people who journeyed with us, we feel thankful about them and of all the shared moments with them whether it was good or bad. We feel thankful of those simple relationships we created with people we love. They can make us smile over and over again even if we revisit them only in memories. And just like my friend, we will one day find ourselves joyfully wandering back in time.

BambooEyeglasses

Choose You

Becoming an adult is not easy. Sometimes we conform to whatever the world tells us to do, and if we are not wise enough to sort what makes us truly happy, we will end up being used by others who are really good in knowing what makes them happy. There are many people who suffer from abusive relationships with their parents, siblings, friends, boss etc. I think we suffer not because we deserve it, but simply because we look too little of ourselves that we allow other people to hurt us. We never see our worth because we look ourselves through the eyes of other people. It gets worst especially when you train yourself so amazingly that you start pleasing the person who hurts you. It is like you desensitize yourself, thinking that it is okay to receive the pain until you get so good in numbing your feelings. Your happiness then becomes dependent on someone else’s happiness.

It may take time before you realize your self-worth. And when you do, you feel more clearly and you give yourself the gift of forgiveness. And when you do, you surely will know that happiness is your only goal and you will chase bliss like you have never done before. Never let yourself be trapped into situations in which you think the only option is to always sacrifice your happiness for others. You are for sure not born to just be a sacrifice, so choose yourself first. Be selfish enough to love yourself, and that love will surely radiate to others.

BambooEyeglassess

Time over Matter

The year came to me like it was a rushing water. I have to do so many things out of my responsibilities, that most of the time I forget to do something for myself. I want to read and write some more, and do those things that you can do only in the morning like watching the sun wake up, but it seemed like I can’t have the time to do that. I was chasing my schedule, constantly worrying about the next thing in my to do list and then gets frustrated when something doesn’t work. Not that I do not like and love what I do (because I truly love every bit of it), but I think I sometimes forget to make space for ‘me’.

It’s like I forgot the lesson that I truly value in life, and that is ‘no matter how occupied my day is, I must not forget to do the things that truly mattered to me’.

I will start that now. To just keep calm and learn to listen more to the inner me, to do what I want to do. To let go sometimes, and enjoy the ride. I even miss so may things about mornings, about morning walks, waking up so early, early reading, practicing headstands, and doing my weekend habits. And that is because of the trade-off of responsibility. Again, not that I am not thankful of it πŸ™‚ cause I am. But, I have to learn to balance the things around me. Imaging that I am a high wire walker and just taking each step a communion of my existence, that feeling of euphoria when you get through in one step in a single line.

πŸ™‚ I am really making it long, what I am really trying to say is that I should not also forget to do those little things that make me feel so alive πŸ™‚

BambooEyeglasses

Apex of Euphoria

I’ll try to put into writing what I felt that morning. It was November the 13th, and I was tasked the night before by my superior to prepare everything, and meet her at the hotel at 6.30am on the following day for a meeting with a technical coordinator and researcher. I followed as instructed by her. I thought it was just an ordinary meeting, but it was clear to me that it was a meeting set by God and I will never forget in my entire life.

I knew that he was a known researcher and scientist.That day I felt like I was David who gets to meet Goliath, except that Goliath won πŸ™‚

or like Steve Jobs meeting Hewlett and Packard πŸ™‚

I felt immensely happy! It was as if I met my teacher.. and he was just inches away from me. I sat in front of him, and I had my breakfast with him. My coffee with fresh milk tasted even coffier and milkier πŸ™‚

I was floating on air. I kept on looking at him, that I couldn’t even blink.
He asked “Why are you staring at me? Do you have a question?”

I just smiled and said, “none”.

What I learned from him was something that I will put into heart and mind forever.

He continued, “You know I am a Professor for so many years and I can really tell that an intelligent person is not someone who gives that best answer, but someone who throws the most interesting questions. And the questions should have good quality” and “it’s okay to ask”. Do you have a question?

And so I asked him, what would become the dumbest question in the world. Haha.

“Um..Sir what do you mean when you say annual crop, as you mentioned earlier?” (Yeah. Cheers to quality xD)

He paused and smiled. It was as if he was thinking, are you sure you don’t know it?

“The word itself”, and he asked me what is the opposite of “annual”?

I just smiled and look quizzical.

“Perennial”

“You’re not good for Master’s degree yet. More so in PhD. You have to be analytical. You can’t be spoon-fed every time.” He said.

I felt that I just slammed my face on the floor effortlessly, like I agree with absolute gravity. But hey! It was the most amazing conversation that I had for decades. The message was clear and that is to be humbly analytical. Yah. It was simple but true.I guess the world really gets confused sometimes with knowledge associated with complexity. But that early morning, he taught me the real thing that simplicity is always the ultimate sophistication. You have to simplify your thoughts and just analyze and think.

He then asked me, “why are we doing research?”

I just stared again. It was like no words come out in my mouth.

“To solve problems”

Simply that. And I listened to words of someone who have done research for so long.

“You are just theoretical when the tools given to you will not be translated into something that can be used practically. If you have a tool like a ruler, you use it to measure something (he then tried to act like he has a ruler at hand and measures one side of the table) “Why do you measure?”

“To build something.”

“Not that nobody is also measuring the other side, but you are measuring in one side, and that can help in building something”

I was silent for a moment, and I looked at him with as a sense of agreement that yes..that’s true.That knowledge will be happy, if knowledge will be used.

Minutes later the official meeting started, and topics became more technical. In his words, I can hear passion and commitment in one’s craft. It was like listening to someone who is so experienced in the craft that you are just beginning to learn.

I was elated. A rational person would maybe feel bad for not answering well in front of a great scientist and researcher, more so that he emphasized the quality of asking questions. But I never felt that. I was in the apex of euphoria, because not all the time I can eat with him in one table, have conversation, and learn. And that was amazing.

I felt thankful, immensely thankful for the wisdom I learned in fraction of minutes. In that hotel restaurant, where Yirumi’s music was playing in the background, and the oriental atmosphere added beauty in that calm early morning. One of the mornings that I will truly treasure.

BambooEyeglasses

Try

I was in total doubt in doing something, but when I watched the sky in orange hue..

I just felt that God is telling me Β to calm down and enjoy every single step of discovery..

To be thankful and just give it a try..

I know it is impossible but I will give it a try..

Replace doubt with faith πŸ™‚

What if?

What if you are actually more than what you think you are-

Or the sky is actually the ‘below’ and the soil is the ‘above’-

Or the ‘water’ is supposed to be called ‘air’-

But someone just started to call it water and so it was-

What if every single thing became the way it is-

Just because there was the word ‘before or prior’-

But what if you can make your own-

What if you acknowledge ‘you’-

And then someday you would become-

Responsible of the ‘prior’-

And make something new-

Out of your beautiful power-

Because.

Really.

What if?

-BambooEyeglasses