I checked my drafts and saw this unpublished piece that I wrote on the sixth of March, 2016 at 5:16 pm. Reading this today in my room made me truly smile. The title I had for this before was “Where do I go from here?” and maybe at that time, I truly have no answer. I cannot exactly remember what was I feeling before, or undergoing before. And now, two years later all I can answer to myself is “self I don’t precisely know where, but for sure it’s going to be fun getting there, so relax”.
[where do i go from here?]
There is this line in one popular love song that says “where do I go from here?”
When people ask me about where will I go after doing the thing that I am doing today, I feel stagnant for a while. I feel weirdly weird about my feelings on the prospect of the word ”end”. It’s really easy to forget the now, once you entertain the idea of future.
But what if I’m finally done with what I do now? Really. Surely God has already prepared a beautiful path for me. And when I will be there in that path, I will maybe look back in appreciation with what will I write this time.
When I am done with this journey…
I will remember this, the strange bliss that I always get from my job as a young research apprentice. It is always pure bliss for me when I see my teachers. All the Sirs and Ma’ams.. They are the people who help me in my art. In the art of research that I truly love and admire.
I will never forget their words and teachings. Their encouragements and voice maybe.
I will truly miss the amazing emails that I get. One hundred years from now (hahaha, I hope I am still alive), my heart will remember them still. They shaped me somehow. When I get old and have my own family and friends somewhere in this planet, maybe I will come across a situation or circumstance that will remind me of them, of their voice, of their eyes, of their hands, of their smile, of their eyebrows, everything about the presence of them. And I will miss it. So I delight their words,presence ,joy, laughter, anger, their warmth in the present because I know that being with them physically is not forever. And because I know I will meet many more life teachers too. I cherish them.
I will miss my friends and co-workers. The farmers, the janitors, the guards, the accountants, the drivers, the clerks. They may not directly influenced me in super technical ways. Or they have in their own unique ways..But sure they were there in the whole process. I love them and their faces. And their occasional anger too. Haha. They made me do great things. I love them.
I will miss my co-workers. They are joy to me and constant companion too. They are part of my growth and we were together in everything that we do. I love them too, always and forever.
It’s easy to cancel the goodness of the present when one is so overwhelmed with the past and the future. The secret is in the present, the say. I think, it is the way we connect with people. As they say, you will maybe not remember the technical things, but you can remember how they made you feel. I hope when they think of me, they will remember me as a good person who loves and admires them.
Ha! 🙂 I can finally set these written words free. Yip. I love all those who were part of that chapter of my life. There are several more people who I journeyed with in the following years after I wrote that, and I still feel the same appreciation and love for them today. I spent my early twenties doing a project with them, living with them each day, and though my presence in that project is no longer needed, I know it will continue excellently. I have nothing left in my heart but appreciation. I love it, I love all of them. I really do. The cliche is true, the journey is the reward. Every single thing about that chapter, the good and the bad, I truly appreciate now. And if I may add, it’s the beautiful people in that chapter of my life who shared their time with me, who I laughed with, who I greeted good mornings and goodbyes every day, who I ate lunch with, who I cried with, who saw me in different seasons of my soul, that make me feel truly grateful and appreciative in the whole journey. 🙂